Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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