A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
