R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
