i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You ruined the universe
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
