I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
