got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
