I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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