I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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