i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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