you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
