Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
