the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
