Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
