Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
