I wish I could teleport
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
