Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
