Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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