Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
