Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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