i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
