Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wear drunk well.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
