Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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