I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
