I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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