idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
