Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
