I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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