Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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