forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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