Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
