Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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