Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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