Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
