My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
