you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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