a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
nutella sex= disaster
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
