Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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