And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
