just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
