can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
