Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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