Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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