Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
