this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
