what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
