I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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