My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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