Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
