During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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