Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
