you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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