I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
