lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
