pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
