It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
