he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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