Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
