wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
