My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
