Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
