you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
