I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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