I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
