before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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