just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
