she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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