You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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