If i come over, it means nothing
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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