So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
