alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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