I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
