Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
