I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
