with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
