omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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